Published Somedays

Bite valve ruins Farlow Gap

(updated: May 15, 2014)

Hydration packs... While often convenient to have water they will always find a way to ruin your day. Whether it's when you forget to close the valve and it leaks all in your car and on your gear and you only realize it because of the vague funk that starts to pervade your vehicle. Or when it dumps its contents before you even start your ride, and you're out of water before the first turn of your cranks. Or when the valve decides to spring a leak during a long ride, and starts slowly dripping on you like a Chinese water torture device. And now thanks to my GoPro and the chest mount (aka the mansier or Fred bra), I can add fucking up your video footage to the list.

This thing will be the death of me. Oh, and perhaps Farlow too.
Farlow Gap

I can’t wait to find out what else these hydration slurpie things can ruin. Or maybe, just maybe, I can come up with a better solution. I mean, there’s a ton of things wrong with these types of packs. First of all, all the pockets are in the back, behind you where you can’t reach. So you have to take it off every time you want to get something out of it. Why not have some pockets in the front where you can access them easily? And why not make it so you can swing the pack around your body so you can access the larger back pockets without having to completely take it off, while riding? How about a positive shut off bite valve tube combo that won’t leak all over your crap, even if something gets put on top of it? And a tube retention system that retracts so it doesn’t flap around in front of your Go Pro mansier? Who is thinking about these things? Does anyone know how to sew and would like to help me come up with a new design? Because I want to drop-kick every hydration pack I’ve ever used.

At the same time I don’t want to not use a hydration pack. You don’t want to be THAT guy either. It’s like when you go on a group ride, and there’s always a dude that doesn’t want to carry anything except a water bottle (maybe he’s a roadie, or a weight weenie, but I repeat myself). No tools, pump, tubes, food, first aid, etc. Suddenly that becomes your job, and you don’t remember how you got to be the sag wagon.

My new hydration pack design. Because momma don't like the fooseball.

Sometimes I remove the bladder completely and stick water bottles in there, then switch them out from my cage as I empty them. Not very convenient, but maybe that’s the trade-off for now.

Anyway, enough raving and ranting. Actually, speaking of raving and ranting, here's a story about Alec Baldwin being arrested for bike salmoning:
Alec Baldwin Arrested.

So, the next time you get pulled over for riding a bike, scream and rant the following: "I'm Alec Baldwin! Don't you even know who I am!". I'm going to call it, pulling a Baldwin, or Baldwining. There, I just coined a new term.

ok, so I'm done with my Baldwining for now...

Here’s a clip of me going down part of Farlow Gap. I had an awesome dab-free run, ruined by an unruly bite valve.


Filed Under: Ride Reports > North Carolina > Brevard


1. Randy said...

"I think this thing might have been in the way."

May 26, 2014 @ 10:43 AM


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