Published Somedays

I'm back and it's not safe for work anymore...

(updated: Nov 1, 2016)

Sir Bikes-a-lot, world unfamous bike blogger, marginal rider of the bike cycle, returns from his hiatus to start ruining things again. Yes it's been a while, but there's just not enough time to do it. Unlike the seemingly endless stream new bike designs coming out, time is one thing you don’t get more of. So I have to work, pfft. You know, they say that many people define themselves through their job, and when they lose their job, they lose their purpose, and bad things can happen, like growing a beard and wearing no pants to the WalMart.
I seen\'t it

Get a hobby, you know, like cycling. Cycling will suck up all your free time and you'll be mad you have a job because it’s taking time away from your riding and you’ll be mad at your job because all of a sudden you don’t make enough to afford today’s overpriced crabon bikes. It’s the old adage either you have money but no time or time but no money, except as a cyclist you have no money (because you spend it all on bikes) and no time. Unless of course, you are independently wealthy, which, well, then good for you. Just please don’t invent any more bike-related technology solutions in search of problems. In the future I don’t want my bike to have to boot up or require an app to do anything.

(In the future, bikes will come with drones that follow you around and go get help when you inevitably crash from looking at yourself riding on your smartphone.)

By the way, a friend of mine told me about scooter-bombing. It’s where you take a scooter and run all your local trails with Strava to get KOMs. Not that I would do that, but it would be kinda fun, especially to the people who take Strava way too seriously.

(I'm going to scooter-bomb the shit out of Blue Clay)

So last weekend I rode the north half of Topsail. I wanted to see what damage was sustained by Hurricane Matthew. Result? Not too bad. Half the dune is gone and about two feet height of beach and a bunch of wooden walkways, but that’s about it. Not even as much damage as TS Joaquin last year. In fact, at the very north end starting where those multi-colored condos are, there appears to be slightly more beach now. I was able to ride by them at low tide, whereas before I had to ride on the sand bags (I still rode on the sand bags, because it’s more fun doing idiotic things on a bike, as in sliding off of a green slime-covered sandbag and ending up on my ass). At some point this winter they’ll start pushing sand back up the dune, and the whole pointless process of fighting entropy will start again.

(Nothing to see here)

(Or here)

(The dune is fine, move along)

(And here I took a picture of someone taking a picture of the same thing)

(Ironically enough, the very north end has more beach than before the hurricane.)
About halfway to the north end of the island I crossed paths with a couple of guys riding fat bikes. I am not the only one riding up on Topsail anymore. I said hey and continued on.

At the very north end I got a call from a friend who joined a friend to help sail his Catamaran from VA to FL, ran into some gale force winds at Cape Fear, got really sea sick, and abandoned ship at Charleston. This reminded me of why I ride my bike instead.
Fast forward to Wednesday where I did a ride at UNCW campus trails, the tangled spaghetti of trails where you are constantly making a wrong turn. There’s a bunch of deadfall and trees down and overgrown areas and missing trail, but someone left a little surprise in the form of stacked logs.

I think it’s a forest ghost, which is the analog to the library ghost that does the symmetrical book stacking.

Then Sunday morning I rode at BNP, which honestly I haven’t ridden in months. Someone was there blowing off the trails the whole time. The trails were already clear so I thought that it was odd. This guy was going to town, so I got a quick pic of all the dirt being blown off the trail. Later I went home and checked my IMBA Trail Solutions guide for proper leaf blowing protocol, and do you know what I didn’t find? A CHAPTER ON BLOWING OFF TRAILS WITH A FUCKING LEAF BLOWER! I just thought you should know.

(Check out my rad roost, courtesy of a leaf blower)

Anyway, back in the main parking lot, I ran across the same two guys from north Topsail last week, Jim and Dan (I hope I remembered your names right). More and more folks are moving onto fat bikes and plus bikes and not looking back. And as I’ve implored numerous times here and in person, the perfect bike for riding in our area is a plus bike. Wake up, people!

(Go big or go home)

Also, someone or something, probably a forest ghost, maybe the same one from UNCW, maybe not, did some symmetrical log stacking at BNP. That’s right, no human would stack logs like this.

Also, I found this Bike Cycles water bottle on the trail. It was my intention to bring it back to the parking lot but I put it in my pack and forgot about it until I got home and unpacked. So if it’s your bottle and you were looking for it, sorry. Just let me know if you still want it back.

After BNP, I stopped at this new park along 133, The Brunswick Riverwalk trail. It’s got nice wooded walking paths with a long boardwalk, benches with views of the water, and a nature center.  Wilmington needs more of this. It even has some ruins of the Buchoi Plantation, which according to the Star News was the plantation of Revolutionary War hero and Supreme Court Justice Alfred Moore, as well as the site of a battle near the end of the war. So there’s your history lesson of the day.

(Brunswick Riverwalk trail, aka Blue Clay in 10 years)
Brunswick Riverwalk trail

(Buchoi Plantation ruins)
Brunswick Riverwalk trail

Brunswick Riverwalk trail
Brunswick Riverwalk trail

(I cycle-bombed it)
Brunswick Riverwalk trail


Filed Under: Ride Reports > North Carolina > Wilmington


1. Jim aka Stumpy61 said...

Dans real name is Mike: aka McMike Good to see you again. Missed the blogs.

Nov 2, 2016 @ 4:26 AM

2. Brandon Davis said...

So many funnies here- good stuff. Thanks for "making mtb great again"!

Nov 2, 2016 @ 5:24 AM


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