Published Somedays

If you find me on the road dead, please feed my remains to the sharks

(updated: Nov 8, 2016)

When I got home from riding the other day, I immediately started working on my project restoring my dad’s old GT mountain bike from the eighties. (Well, first I took a shower and changed since by this time my shorts were really starting to ferment something from the 80s). All that remained was to install the rim brakes (remember these?) and make some final adjustments. Once I got that done I rode it around a little. It felt so old school. And by old school I mean awful.

The GT. Note the feature in the background. That's how I keeps my skillz. That, and watching Red Bull Rampage and riding shitty bikes.

This used to be a nice shiny chrome, but then it was left at the beach and rusted to shit, so I stripped it down and had it powder coated. Now it's a single speed. Incidentally, one of my first road bikes I converted to a single speed back in high school, long before single speeding was a thing. I am old.

Anyway, it was time to take it on an errand, so off to the Wal-Mart I went to buy some bandages (unrelated to mtn biking if you can believe that) and a new beard trimmer since the one I had that was made in China broke, so I was going to buy a different one made in China. I mean this shit couldn’t wait because I used to look like this:

...and now I look like this:

Either way it's still pretty horrifying.
Ok, so here is the bike locked at the Wal-Mart to a bench since there are no bike racks:

Because why would there be? You can’t carry two tons of Chinese-made shit on a bike. Actually, the Chinese do it every day, but whatever. This is America, dammit, and it’s our god given right to drive unnecessarily large vehicles everywhere!

Wussie Americans:

Everything was working fine on the bike aside from some slight tire rub (these 2.1s were pushing the limit for back then). Notice my tread is backwards, but I can just simply flip the wheel around. Can't do that with discs:

But on the way back, right in the middle of the Market St.-Porters Neck intersection, where the light is about two seconds long, my chain came off. So there I was sitting on the bike frantically pushing with my left foot in an attempt to not get runned over.

I’m sure glad I had all that experience working with kids’ balance bikes or I might still be lodged in some vehicle’s undercarriage, trapped in a garage somewhere in Wilmington, slowly bleeding to death, until eventually the rotting corpse smell wafts into the house, the residents finally figure out it’s not a possum or skunk, and dispose of my body by feeding my remains to the sharks. I went too far, didn’t I? Sorry… Anyway, I made it across and into the Exxon where I put the chain back on and headed home.

I have since added a c-guide so the chain won't come off anymore:

This bike feels like it would beat the crap out of you on a trail (it will), and it got me to thinking ... today’s mountain bikers have it so easy. The trails are maintained and groomed and categorized and XC bikes now have up to 150mm of suspension. And folks are still dumbing down the trails. Have we gone insane?

So, I’m going to take this frankenbike to Blue Clay and ride the piss out of it. And I am going to suck bad. And I challenge any of you to meet me there and give it a go (after you sign a waiver – I’m not paying your dental expenses when your fillings fall out). I think after this you won’t make a peep about whether a trail needs work or not. And you’ll also have a lot more respect for those mtb pioneers such as John Tomac that were able to do what they did on these early designs.

Same frame. That helmet.

Old skool vs new skool. Or mid skool. Turner is lagging behind the short chainstay trend. Whatever.


Filed Under: Ride Reports > North Carolina > Wilmington


1. Kevin F said...

Great site! I'm surprised there aren't more mtn biking blogs for North Carolina.

Nov 22, 2016 @ 11:29 AM

2. peterschulz said...


Nov 28, 2016 @ 7:45 PM


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